Eagle Creek Resident Bio: Tommy Grossman

Interview conducted March 27, 1910, by Emily Clementine

(Tommy Grossman is Sarah's friend and the cutest boy in town.)

1. Name: Thomas Wayne Grossman

2. Date of Birth: January 12, 1894

3. Place of Birth: Eagle Creek, Montana

4. Parents: Augustus and Patricia Grossman

5. Siblings: Sisters: Olivia Shannon (1886-), Bernadette Matine (1888-), Diane Ellen (1892-). Brother: Isaac Nicholas (1891-1901)

6. Describe your childhood. I grew up on a ranch.

7. If given the choice between Lynn Watson, Sarah Conrad or Emily Clementine, who would you rather kiss? Um, sorry?
That's one of the questions. -EJC
Who wrote that question?
Sarah. She wrote the questions. I am doing the interview and I expect an honest answer. -EJC
I seriously doubt if Sarah wrote that question.
She did. She did. I am not a tale-bearer.-EJC
Ok then, I'd kiss Lynn Watson.
What? You wouldn't kiss me? -EJC
You asked; I gave an answer.

8. Why her instead of me? Are you 100% certain that Sarah made up these questions?
Yes! Sarah wrote the questions. Question number eight is: "Why on Earth would you want to kiss Lynn Watson instead of Emily Clementine?" -EJC
I dunno. I guess it's because I like her hair.

9. Well, what the heck is so great about Lynn Watson's hair? So, the ninth question on this survey which Sarah wrote is... "What the heck is so great about Lynn Watson's hair?"
Yes! Now answer Sarah's question! -EJC
Emily, what's the next question?

10. Married? No

11. How did you meet your spouse?

12. Children:

13. Grandchildren:

14. Pets? Nothing but cows.

15. Education: I am a Junior at Eagle Creek High School.

16. If given the chance to go marry Emily Clementine, Sarah Conrad or Lynn Watson.... Ok, Emily, this interview is over.

17. Current friends: Pete Jackson, Russell Stead and the rest of those ne'er-do-wells.

18. Occupation: Helpless romantic.

19. What was your first job? Emily Clementine's love slave.

20. How much did you make? As much as she needed.

21. What did you like to do in your free time? Plan the wedding of myself and Emily Clementine.

22. What are you doing now? Wooing Emily Clementine.

23. Do you admire a famous person? Emily Clementine

24. What makes them admirable? She is the most beautiful girl in the world.

25. What is your favorite food? Whatever Emily likes.

26. What is your favorite color? Pink

27. What is your favorite song? Emily Clementine, woman of my dreams. I will now stand and sing this song as I slowly unbutton my shirt. I will then do twenty push ups and ask Emily to massage my back with hot oil.

28. Hobbies: Discussing Emily's beauty with Pete Jackson. Wrestling him to determine the outcome of our discourse.

29. Name of the last book you read? 1,000 Reasons Why Emily Clementine is Prettier Than Lynn Watson or Sarah Conrad by William Howard Taft.

30. Tell me about a memorable moment in your life; a time you will never forget. When I was 13, I was at the park one day hitting baseballs. Emily sat on the bleachers and watched me for a few minutes. She then walked over and kissed me for ten seconds. It was the greatest experience of my life.

31. What things do you find yourself doing that you said you'd never do? Thinking about another girl.

32. What are the goals you are still working toward? I want to work hard, save my money so Emily and I can honeymoon in Paris.

33. When people look back at your life, how do you want to be remembered? As the husband of Emily Clementine.

34. What is your favorite outdoor activity? Kissing Emily Clementine.

35. Do you attend church or religious services? Eagle Creek Memorial Church, where I plan some day on marrying Emily Clementine.

36. What is your favorite Bible verse? Song of Solomon, especially the good parts.

37. What makes you happy? Kissing Emily Clementine.

38. What makes you sad? Smelling a girl with fish odor or a book-worm who dyes her hair blonde.

39. What frightens you? The remote possibility that Pete Jackson may court Emily Clementine before I do.

40. What is there about you that would surprise people if they found out? Every time I think of Emily Clementine, I drop to my knees and give glory to God that I know her.
All of those answers proceeded directly from the delicious lips of Tommy Grossman during a partially imagined interview.