Today, I participated in a puppet/live action version of the story of David and Goliath starring some of the teens from my church and myself as the colossus. It was an afternoon of fun, spiritual insight, and unmitigated horror.

The idea began innocently enough. Together we could teach preschoolers the basics of this drama of faith and courage over brawn and timidity. The collection of excitable tykes ambled into the church auditorium and after a few minutes of classic kiddie songs, it was show time!

Dressed in a burgundy baptismal robe, a gray and black head scarf, my wife’s jewelry, and a black trash bag skirt I was in desperate need of a "Queer Eye for the Philistine Guy" makeover. After a flawlessly puppet animated introduction I was to enter the auditorium. Some of the teens thought it’d be “cool” if I kick in the doors and biliously bark my arrival. Good idea.

Crash goes the doors! "I am Goliath, champion of the Philistines! Send your challenger. If I beat him you will be my slaves. If I loose, we will be your slaves! Arragh! Arragh!"

I don’t know which child began crying first, it was difficult to decipher individual wails amid the deafening waves of screams. The narrator passionately attempted a recovery and continuation so that the heart felt message of confidence might not be erased in the swirl of unholy screeches.

The lad David now faced a greater ogre as he endured the jibes of kindergarteners and teachers who are painfully aware that 6 year olds are by no means dedicated to the concept of bladder control.

After a dramatic interlude involving David and his brothers doubt, the inching time and storyline apexes as we anxiously awaited the decisive moment when a paper mache missile strikes Goliath. However, Christendom faced a historical rewrite which will doubtless be the subject of ecclesiastical controversy for decades hence as David slung his smooth stone and missed by a farthing. Like a dedicated, master thespian I said, "Oh, no, I've been hit in the forehead, I'm dying." One would hope that this would quell the dirge filled chorus, but alas, more tears for the now lifeless giant!

The erstwhile host promptly reminded the audience that the Philistines ran away and Israel was saved. Hurray! Mercifully, the point of the enterprise was finally emphasized, “With God on your side, you can do anything!” Amen.

Our minister reluctantly queried to the not-so incredible hulk, "Um, is that it?"

I wistfully graveled, "I certainly hope so."

The satisfied, yet confused puppet parson asked the little ones "Ok, so what did we learn today?"

1. Even in the maelstrom of insanity one can still find precious memories.

2. Church can be scary.

3. God has a sense of humor- he made penguins and belly laughs.

4. In higher realms, angels are watching and laughing their halos off.